I know that you probably don’t want to hear me blabber about science, and to be fair I don’t either. But there is something I need to tell you. 

 

There is a scientific law from some German man who I can’t remember the name of… But, it’s about how the sexes of the same species have different traits. It's not in all species of animals, but it does apply to hummingbirds. They are not so different from you and I, the hummingbirds I mean. Do you remember sitting under Grandma’s old gazebo, watching them drink sugar water out of those fake-plastic flowers?

 

For some reason or another, male hummingbirds are physically smaller than female hummingbirds. That German guy who I was talking about earlier would have you believe that this difference is because of the nature of male and female hummingbirds. Male hummingbirds need to be agile to perform specialized aerial routines so they can attract mates. Female hummingbirds are physically better suited for foraging, because their beaks, also different from males, have a more curved shape to extract nectar from tall flowers. 

 

The male hummingbirds get to live a life of prowess and adventure. They get to show off their muscles and perform daring stunts. But, female hummingbirds live for survival, the nests they build, and their babies. The nests that a momma hummingbird builds must be stable enough to weather countless storms- no matter how severe.

 

Momma hummingbirds build their nests to be unique: they are decorated with shiny objects to deter predators from eating their babies, and they are built to stretch as the babies grow older and bigger. A momma hummingbird builds her nest planning for an unforeseeable future. I would think that she is perpetually stressed out about that damn nest. At least, you know I would be. She must never think that the nest is perfect, because something like that requires constant fixing. When is her nest ever perfect? 

 

I wonder what male hummingbirds think about all of this… this nest-making? They're probably too focused on their performances to think of such absurd things. They must live daring lives doing the most dangerous stunts. But, I cannot help thinking that this behavior is reckless. I even have a sort of resentment towards it. If I could talk to male hummingbirds I would tell them that their performances are fake and harmful to others. I mean, don’t they know they might hurt themselves? doesn’t the pressure of performing drive them mad barreling towards unattainable standards? do they not think about the consequences their family will face? Probably not, though, because, like I said, they’re too focused on their own performances. 

 

After some years had passed, I remember asking you how you felt after one of those large storms had hit our nest. It was a big one this time. Our shiny objects, meant to deter predators, were thrown and scattered all over the base of our tree, and our nest barely survived. I recall you singing to me like a momma humminbird would’ve. You told me that no, you did not feel like giving up- despite not knowing what was on the horizon.

 

That storm was the first time I died. I can remember that exact moment like a muffled scream. I remember the feeling… or I guess it was the absence of feeling- sorta like a numbness. The character of the air was filled with a vague and misty hue. Reminiscing on it now is like the feeling of cold water running down the spine of my back. It is a frigid feeling- one without warmth. You probably know the feeling I am talking about. Life would never be the same after that day; I think we all died that day Mom. 

 

But, there is something I need you to know. You are my Momma Hummingbird. 

 

You have shown me immutable independence and strength. The constant battles you fight are simply no match for your perseverance. You have shown me the beauty in nest making; you have taught me how to pick up the twigs littered at the base of our trees after a storm; and you have educated me on how to collect the shiny objects which were supposed to deter away our predators. You have placed a warmth within my heart which only grows as the days number. You constantly give to those you love and expect nothing in return. You have always been my biggest advocate. Even when I was afraid to advocate for myself. You have always been there, fist clenched, ready to fight anyone who dared defile your baby. I could have not asked for a more perfect Momma Hummingbird. 

 

You deserve more than you are given, Mom, and you deserve more than you accept. I hope that one day you might acknowledge this and the strength which you so fervently maintain. You are never alone, you are always loved, and your babies will always take care of you- even after we have left the nest.