I know we do not normally discuss these things, but I want to tell you what I have learned from you. We communicate in different ways; we express emotions in different ways; and we have dealt with Dad’s death in different ways. 

 

He is our common denominator. When you look at me do you see me, or someone different- someone taken from you long ago? Do I torture you, just by existing? When I look in the mirror I torture myself- looking at a his face which I can barely even remember. Our common denominator is our shared experience and nothing else. 

 

We are the third generation to experience this type of grief. Grandma’s dad died when she was young. Mom’s dad died when she was a baby. And our dad died when we were just children, still learning about the world and its misfortunes. I need your help breaking this curse. 

 

We have dealt with his death in totally different ways. The way you grieve is something alien to me and I have long tried to figure it out. I have always been envious of you. You were older and capable of remembering more about Dad than me. His death, no doubt, impacted you and I in different ways. But I have come to learn that this is okay because there is no one way to experience grief. 

 

Our curse is something which doesn’t define us, Jo. We are more than our grief. I want you to know that you will always have me by your side- even if we don’t see eye to eye on everything, and even if we are fighting about something stupid. All we have is each other, and our common denominator.

 

Do not pick the path which you are readily willing to accept. You deserve more. You deserve to make your own path in life and you deserve to live the way you want to live. You are doing great things with your life, continue making me proud… and continue making dad proud.